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Seinfeld Quotes

Browse our collection of Seinfeld quotes and sayings. Share Seinfeld quotes with friends and family.

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Seinfeld Quotes & Sayings

Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.
- Jerry Seinfeld

Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge.
- Jerry Seinfeld

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: A little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.
- Jerry Seinfeld

You can measure distance by time. How far away is it? Oh about 20 minutes. But it doesn't work the other way. When do you get off work? Around 3 miles.
- Jerry Seinfeld

I was the best man at the wedding. If I'm the best man, why is she marrying him?
- Jerry Seinfeld

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
- Jerry Seinfeld

What is a date really, but a job interview that lasts all night? The only difference is that in not many job interviews is there a chance you'll wind up naked.
- Jerry Seinfeld

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.
- Jerry Seinfeld

Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they're killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? Sweetheart, let's make up. Have this deceased squirrel.
- Jerry Seinfeld

There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.
- Jerry Seinfeld

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