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Funny Quotes & Sayings
If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because, man, they're gone.
- Jack Handy
Money couldn't buy you friends, but you get a better class of enemy.
- Spike Milligan
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
- Groucho Marx
The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest.
- Kilgore Trout
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
- Steven Wright
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
- Dave Edison
Arrogant and right is surely better than humble and wrong.
- Geoff Arbuthnot
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
- Marty Feldman
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
- Lana Turner
Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.
- George Carlin
What Does Your Birth Color Say About You?
What Does Your Zodiac Sign Say About Your Fashion Sense?
How perfect is your eyesight?
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