Ari [To Babs]: You either owe me an apology or blow job, your choice!
Ari Gold: Just know that today, Lloyd, your love of cock is a huge asset to this company.
Ari: Don't thank me, thank E. For once in his life the little McNugget delivered. Where is the little freak anyway?
Ari Gold: That was a good speech, Lloyd. If I was 25 and liked cock, we could be something.
Sloan [To Eric]: You're never going to be in a relationship as long as you're living in a frat house.
Drama: I'll give you tips on how to audition, bro.
Turtle: He needs tips on how to successfully audition!
Ari Gold: We are gonna get drunk with Russell Crowe and we're gonna head - butt some goddamn kangaroos.
Turtle: Hot girls driving limos... I like that! Call it 'Lim-hos!
Verner: I do not understand why they are here...
Ari: Because it's a free country and not Germany circa 1939.
Johnny Drama: I've been working steady for the past twelve years, minus the last three.
Justine Chapin: [Justine and Vince are flirting in a club] You're gonna have to work for it.
Vince: I got into this business so I wouldn't have to work.
Drama: You know when he was doing 'Rush,' he stuck real needles in his arm to prep. That's what inspired me to do real coke when I did the Menendez brothers movie.
Ari [To Lloyd]: You throw a lot of jew guilt for a chinaman.
Johnny Drama: I've been working steady for the past twelve years, minus the last three.
Drama: That whole world is deviants, bro. The dudes bang each other while the chicks watch, the chicks bang each other while more chicks watch...
Turtle: And yet nobody would let you watch anything!
Dana: I want to be under you.
Ari: Dana, I told you, my wife's in the car!
Dana: Very funny.
Ari's Wife: Where are you going?
Ari Gold: They flew in the liver, and I gotta do the transplant.
Bob: Big trouble Ari!
Ari: Could you just die already Bob?
Vincent Chase: It's not about the awards. If it's good, I'll do it.
Turtle: Where's Arnold?
Drama: He's right there, I've been watching him.
Turtle: That's a rock! Are you kidding me?
Turtle: Don't talk to us like we're adopted, bro.
Turtle: You guys think I could sell myself to old broads for cash?
Eric: Yeah, if they had vision problems.
Phil: Pray, Ari.
Bob: Don't bother, I'm sure God gave up on you a while ago.
Sherpa: We're not getting stoned. We're getting honed.
Turtle: Jesus Christ, Ari Gold. You just got demoted to Silver.
Johnny Drama: If you play gay or retarded you get an Oscar. I'd take in the ass for an Oscar.
Turtle: You'd take in the ass for a guest spot on The Hughleys.
Ari: Hey good news Lloyd, Vince will have a new movie poster for you to whack off to soon.
Vince: I can't watch myself again.
Drama: I love watching myself.
Eric: Too bad the audience doesn't.
Ari Gold: Smoke more weed, Turtle. Seriously, smoke more weed.
Ari: I never lied to you..
Mark Wahlberg: What about when you told me you liked The Truth About Charlie?
Ari: What is the truth about Charlie?
Ari [Referring to the male strippers]: Lloyd you speak their language, make it stop!
Ari: If you need a kidney Adam, I'm not willing to donate, but I am willing to watch you slowly die if you're looking for that kinda thing.
Ari: She's a chick Lloyd, there may be hope for you yet.
Ari: Jesus baby, what's wrong? You sound worse than when Harry Hamlin got voted off Dancing with the Stars!
Drama: Never move in with a girl for financial reasons. Never, never. 'Cause once you're in, you never get out.
Mrs. Gold: Was there a problem with Jonah's evaluation?
Secretary: Well, he did hit a kid with a ruler.
Ari: Baby, the kid is melting down like Phil Mickelson at Winged Foot. I can't abandon a brother in peril, not on the high holidays.
Eric: What's your problem with Pauly, Drama?
Drama: It shouldn't matter why I hate him, E. We're family, if I hate him you gotta hate him.
Turtle: I'm hungry.
Vince: Me too.
Turtle: Should I try and make us something?
Vince: I'm not that hungry.
Amanda: What kind of man sues for custody of a labra - doodle anyway?
Vince: Remember ninth grade? You surprised me at Friendly's. That was awesome.
Drama: Yeah it was. And I got jerked off by the girl who made the fribbles.
Turtle: First I lose my rapper, then I lose my limiteds. I'm not mad Vin, I'm just sad. Really really sad.
Eric: Remember me?
Ari: One never forgets their first love, E.
Drama: Wait till you see me after a shower, I am going to sparkle like the Fourth of July.
Drama: How relaxed do I look?
Turtle: You look like you died in 1983.
Ari: I get hard thinking about the fact that you actually like me E.
Vince: I want you talk to Turtle. He needs some help with Saigon.
Ari: What, he's moving there?
Eric: I'm test driving a new car.
Ari: Matchbox or Hot Wheels?
Turtle: The girl was cold.
Drama: Ice Cold.
Ari: 'Nice boys' don't have nine cars!
Ari: You boys look angry - if there was plastic on the floor I'd think I was about to be whacked.
Ari: Hey! You boys missed Temple.
Drama: We thought that was for Jews only.
Terrence: I've had more than a few partners. Not all of them have lasted.
Shauna: I'm gonna spin a story that you really aren't Vince's brother.
Vince: At Comic Con, Shauna, I think I'm Johnny's brother.
Drama: This is kind of embarrassing but sometimes I wake up in the morning fully tented. Any advice?
Dr. Joyce Brothers: Well at your age, consider yourself lucky.
Harvey: Tell me something, managers, agents, what the hell is the difference between you guys?
Eric: Managers are the ones who care.
Drama: I'm not going to hit a girl.
Li Lei: Only girl in the room is the one wearing pretty yellow belt.
Vince: You tell someone you cheated if you want to break up with her. Otherwise, it's just a selfish way to get rid of your own guilt.
