Zaysen: Who are you?
Rambo: Your worst nightmare.
Zaysen: Drop your weapons! Now! You have no chance of escape! Come forward! I wish to take you back alive! This is your last warning! The choice is yours!
Colonel Trautman: What do you say John?
Rambo: [Loading his gun] **** 'em!
John Rambo: Mission... accomplished.
John Rambo: Sir, do we get to win this time?
Freddy B: We got sound! Boss! We got sound!
Tuck Lampley: What about picture? We need picture!
Freddy B: Hold on boss, I'm gonna make you famous!
Denise: [To Rebecca Payne, the hospital administrator] I would tell you what I think of you, but I am a Christian woman.
Denise: They are releasing him, now you need to do something! DO YOU HEAR ME! DO SOMETHING!
Lester: [To Mitch] You put the hit on that girl and everyone here knows it.
John Q. Archibald: My son is dying, and I'm broke. If I don't qualify for Medicare, WHO THE HELL DOES?
John Q. Archibald: I AM NOT GOING TO BURY MY SON! MY SON IS GOING TO BURY ME!
Mike Archibald: No goodbye, you know I don't like goodbyes. See you later!
John Q. Archibald: The hospital is under new management now! Free health care for everyone!
Lester: [Laughing in realization] I get it, you a member of the Slapaho Tribe.
Scott: I don't think she's your type...
John Tucker: Girl is my type!
Henry Winkler: I remember before he got sent home, he said he thought he had food poisoning. Then at about 11:45pm I got a phone call saying that John passed away.
Craig Schwartz: [Watching the puppeteer with the giant puppet on TV] Gimmicky Bastard!
Armuk Yurgun: It's logical that you hate him, very, very logical.
John Malkovich: I have seen a world that NO man should see!
Craig Schwartz: Really? Because for most people it's a rather enjoyable experience.
Kate: Hydrogen and Oxygen walk into a bar and see Gold... they say Au, get outta here!
Scott: [Stares blankly] Um...
Kate: Because Au is the atomic symbol for Gold...
Unknown: The trick to being a male performer is to get up, get in, get out, get off.
Kate: He's probably just in town for a layover and he's just looking for someone to lay over.
Lori: [Fake laughs] Ha very funny sweetheart.
Maxine: Have you ever had two people look at you, with complete lust and devotion, through the same pair of eyes?
Volleyball Girl: You weren't at the party last night. Where were you?
Carrie: Well, it's totally on the DL. I mean, not fit to print. I'm dating... John Tucker.
Henry Connel: Lighthouses, John. Lighthouses in a foggy world.
Dr. Lester: Hello, Mr. Juarez.
Craig Schwartz: Dr. Lester, My name is Craig Schwartz, a small mixup with your secretary...
Dr. Lester: [Into intercom] Security!
John Glenn: There is just no cure for the common birthday.
Maxine: You're not someone I could get interested in, Craig, you play with dolls.
Lotte Schwartz: Suck my dick!
Beth: I was so depressed, I couldn't even enjoy the break-up sex. [The girls stare at Beth]
Beth: Oh my god, I'm such a slut!
Lester: You have to find the sheep before you shear him.
Long John Silver: Now clear up them there shambles, or I'll feed you piecemeal to the rats in the cellar.
Host: [Disguised in a bear suit among tailgating fans] True or false? Your Body is a Wonderland was written for a guy.
Jesus Christ: It is finished.
Long John Willoughby: [Addressing the public] Why can't that spirit, that warm Christmas spirit, last all year long?
Lotte Schwartz: Don't stand in the way of my actualization as a man.
Billy Bob Thornton: He had a uniqueness. He was my buddy.
Maxine: Craig, I don't find you attractive, but Lotte, I'm smitten with you. I am... but only when in you're in Malkovich. When I was with him last night, I was looking into his eyes and could sense your feminine longing.
James Belushi: I remember John told me, When your skating on thin ice, skate fast.
John Tucker: You don't drink an '82 Bordeaux just because it's sitting on your shelf.
Flody Suarez: I don't think anybody walks away from this, thinking anything but, Oh my God, I got to work with John Ritter. I got to work with this guy and he was so good to me.
Guy at Party: Holy Jamma Lamma. Kiss her again... Do it...
Kate: [Turns on the headlights on John's Jeep] Get out of here, you little perv!
Katey Sagal: He wouldn't want us to be sad, I just know it. At least not for very long.
John J. Rambo: Burma's a warzone.
John J. Rambo: When you're pushed, killing's as easy as breathing.
Connie Sellecca: Whenever John walked into or room, or when he walked onto a set, he lit up the room.
Frank Hayes: Just because you know everything, doesn't mean you know everything, John.
Long John Silver: Ar, fortune rides the shoulders of them what schemes.
The Colonel: [Criticizing John's anti-separatism speech] Tear down fences... why, if you tore one picket off your neighbor's fence, he'd sue you!
Beth: It's not even my date and he still gets me out of my skirt!
Martin Short: John was the kind of person, that if you spent 2 minutes with him, you felt as if you'd known him for about 20 years.
Sakalakis: [Looking at bench] Rimsky, in for Korsakoff!
Charlie: Hot lesbian witches! It's ****ing genius!
Beth: I can't believe i ate meat for him. I mean, it was fish, but still. I don't eat anything with a face.
Charlie: Maybe she's using you to channel some dead lesbian lover.
Craig Schwartz: You see the world through John Malkovich's eyes. Then after about 15 minutes, you're spit out into a ditch on the side of the New Jersey Turnpike!
D. B. Norton: From now on, i think you'd better work directly with me.
Dr. Lester: Floris, Get Guinness on the phone.
Floris: Right away, Dr. Lester. Genghis Khan Capone.
