Quotes

Do not worry about your problems with mathematics, I assure you mine are far greater.
-Albert Einstein

I can resist everything except temptation.
-Oscar Wilde

It is easier to fight for principles than to live up to them.
-Alfred Adler

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.
-George Carlin

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
-Dave Edison

Money couldn't buy you friends, but you get a better class of enemy.
-Spike Milligan

I never made a mistake in my life; at least, never one that I couldn't explain away afterwards.
-Rudyard Kipling

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
-Voltaire

Half of the people in the world are below average.
-Anonymous Author

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
-Mark Twain

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
-Lana Turner

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
-Steven Wright

If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because, man, they're gone.
-Jack Handy

If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either.
-Dick Cavett

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde

A girl phoned me the other day and said - come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.
-Anonymous Author

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.
-Les Dawson

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
-Marty Feldman

The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest.
-Kilgore Trout

In the first place God made idiots; that was for practice; then he made school boards.
-Mark Twain

Never insult an alligator until after you have crossed the river.
-Cordel Hull

Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.
-John Lehman

I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.
-Winston Churchill

Arrogant and right is surely better than humble and wrong.
-Geoff Arbuthnot

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
-Groucho Marx