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Funny Quotes Slideshow
View all the Funny quotes in a slideshow.
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Slideshow
Do not worry about your problems with mathematics, I assure you mine are far greater.
-Albert Einstein
Quote 1 of 25
I can resist everything except temptation.
-Oscar Wilde
Quote 2 of 25
It is easier to fight for principles than to live up to them.
-Alfred Adler
Quote 3 of 25
Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.
-George Carlin
Quote 4 of 25
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
-Dave Edison
Quote 5 of 25
Money couldn't buy you friends, but you get a better class of enemy.
-Spike Milligan
Quote 6 of 25
I never made a mistake in my life; at least, never one that I couldn't explain away afterwards.
-Rudyard Kipling
Quote 7 of 25
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
-Voltaire
Quote 8 of 25
Half of the people in the world are below average.
-Anonymous Author
Quote 9 of 25
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
-Mark Twain
Quote 10 of 25
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
-Lana Turner
Quote 11 of 25
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
-Steven Wright
Quote 12 of 25
If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because, man, they're gone.
-Jack Handy
Quote 13 of 25
If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either.
-Dick Cavett
Quote 14 of 25
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
-Oscar Wilde
Quote 15 of 25
A girl phoned me the other day and said - come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.
-Anonymous Author
Quote 16 of 25
I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.
-Les Dawson
Quote 17 of 25
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
-Marty Feldman
Quote 18 of 25
The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest.
-Kilgore Trout
Quote 19 of 25
In the first place God made idiots; that was for practice; then he made school boards.
-Mark Twain
Quote 20 of 25
Never insult an alligator until after you have crossed the river.
-Cordel Hull
Quote 21 of 25
Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat.
-John Lehman
Quote 22 of 25
I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.
-Winston Churchill
Quote 23 of 25
Arrogant and right is surely better than humble and wrong.
-Geoff Arbuthnot
Quote 24 of 25
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
-Groucho Marx
Quote 25 of 25
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