Carolyn Burnham: Are you trying to look unattractive?
Jane Burnham: Yes.
Carolyn Burnham: Well, congratulations. You've succeeded admirably.
Ricky Fitts: I'm not obsessing. I'm just curious.
Carolyn Burnham: Uh, whose car is that out front?
Lester Burnham: Mine. 1970 Pontiac Firebird. The car I've always wanted and now I have it. I rule!
Carolyn Burnham: This is a $4,000 sofa, upholstered in Italian silk. It is not just a couch.
Lester Burnham: [Shouts] It's just a couch!
Lester Burnham: Smile! You're at Mr. Smiley's.
[Lester has just caught Caroline cheating with the Real Estate King]
Carolyn Burnham: Uh, Buddy, this is my...
Lester Burnham: Her husband. We've met before, but something tells me you're going to remember me this time.
Ricky Fitts: Welcome to America's weirdest home videos.
Lester Burnham: Look at me, jerking off in the shower... This will be the high point of my day; it's all downhill from here.
Lester Burnham: I feel like I've been in a coma for the past twenty years. And I'm just now waking up.
Jane Burnham: I know you think my dad's harmless, but you're wrong.
Carolyn Burnham: You ungrateful little brat! Just look at everything you have. When I was your age, we... lived in a duplex! We didn't even have our own house!
Angela Hayes: Yeah? Well, at least I'm not ugly!
Ricky Fitts: Yes, you are. And you're boring, and you're totally ordinary, and you know it.
Ricky Fitts: Excuse me for speaking so bluntly sir. But those fags make me want to puke my f***ing guts out.
Colonel Frank Fitts: [Cautiously, after a long pause] Well, me too son. Me too.
Ricky Fitts: So, do you party?
Lester Burnham: Excuse me?
Ricky Fitts: Do you get high?
Carolyn Burnham: Honey, I'm so proud of you. I watched you very closely, and you didn't screw up once!
Carolyn Burnham: There happens to be a lot about me that you don't know, Mr. Smarty Man. There's plenty of joy in my life.
Brad Dupree: Got a minute?
Lester Burnham: For you, Brad, I've got five!
Angela Hayes: If people I don't even know look at me and want to f*** me, it means I really have a shot at being a model.
Ricky Fitts: My dad thinks I paid for all this with catering jobs. Never underestimate the power of denial.
Lester Burnham: This isn't life, it's just stuff. And it's become more important to you than living. Well, honey, that's just nuts.
Lester Burnham: Remember those posters that said, 'Today is the first day of the rest of your life'? Well, that's true of every day but one - the day you die.
Jane Burnham: Are you scared?
Ricky Fitts: I don't get scared.
Jane Burnham: My parents will try to find me.
Ricky Fitts: Mine won't.
Angela Hayes: It's that psycho next door. Jane, what if he worships you? What if he's got a shrine with pictures of you surrounded by dead people's heads and stuff?
Ricky Fitts: I was filming this dead bird.
Angela Hayes: Why?
Ricky Fitts: Because it's beautiful.
Carolyn Burnham: Well, I see you're smoking pot now. I think using psychotropic drugs is a very positive example to set for our daughter.
Lester Burnham: You're one to talk, you bloodless, money-grubbing freak.
Carolyn Burnham: What the hell do you think you're doing?
Lester Burnham: Uh oh! Mom's mad! Bench presses. I'm going to wail on my pecs and then do my back.
Jane Burnham: [Turning the camera on Ricky] Don't you feel naked?
Ricky Fitts: I am naked.
Lester Burnham: [Narrating] That's my wife, Carolyn. See the way the handle on her pruning shears matches her gardening clogs? That's not an accident.
Colonel Frank Fitts: You need structure... and discipline.
Ricky Fitts: Thank you for trying to teach me, sir. Don't give up on me, Dad.
Carolyn Burnham: My company sells an image. It's part of my job to live that image.
Lester Burnham: [Narrating] It's a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself.
Buddy Kane: In order to be successful, one must project an image of success at all times.
Jane Burnham: Somebody should just put him out of his misery.
Ricky Fitts: Do you want me to kill him?
Jane Burnham: Yeah, would you?
Lester Burnham: So, Janie, how was school?
Jane Burnham: It was okay.
Lester Burnham: Just okay?
Jane Burnham: No, Dad, it was spectacular.
Angela Hayes: I don't think that there's anything worse than being ordinary.
Ricky Fitts: She's not your friend. She's just someone you use to feel better about yourself.
Angela Hayes: Jane, he's a freak!
Jane Burnham: Then so am I! And we'll always be freaks and we'll never be like other people and you'll never be a freak because you're just too... perfect!
Angela Hayes: You total slut, you have a crush on him. You're defending him, you love him, you wanna have, like, ten thousand of his babies.
Jane Burnham: Could he be any more pathetic?
Angela Hayes: I think it's sweet. And I think he and your mother have not had sex in a long time.
Lester Burnham: Man, oh man. Man, oh man, oh man, oh man, oh man.
[Last words, while looking at a picture of his family]
Ricky Fitts: It's like God's looking right at you, just for a second, and if you're careful... you can look right back.
Jane Burnham: And what do you see?
Ricky Fitts: Beauty.
Carolyn Burnham: I will sell this house today, I will sell this house today.
Carolyn Burnham: Oh, I see. You think you're the only one who's sexually frustrated here?
Lester Burnham: I'm not? Well, then, come on, baby, I'm ready!
Ricky Fitts: [After Ricky's dad beats him up] Mom, I'm leaving.
Barbara Fitts: Okay. Wear a raincoat.
Jane Burnham: [Seeing Lester having just been shot] Oh, my God...
Ricky Fitts: [Looks at Lester, curiously intrigued] Wow...
Buddy Kane: [Carolyn is having sex in a motel room with the Real Estate King] Do you like getting nailed by the King?
Carolyn Burnham: Yes, your majesty!
Carolyn Burnham: That was exactly what I needed. The royal treatment, so to speak.
