Quotes

Stay busy, get plenty of exercise, and don't drink too much. Then again, don't drink too little.
-Smith-Johannsen

If drinking is interfering with your work, you're probably a heavy drinker. If work is interfering with your drinking, you're probably an alcoholic.
-Anonymous Author

I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won't let himself get snotty about it.
-Raymond Chandler

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
-W.C. Fields

Woman first tempted man to eat; he took to drinking of his own accord.
-John R. Kemble

I envy people who drink - at least they know what to blame everything on.
-Oscar Levant

We borrowed golf from Scotland as we borrowed whiskey. Not because it is Scottish, but because it is good.
-Horace Hutchinson

They speak of my drinking, but never think of my thirst.
-Scottish Proverb

I'm going to be around until the Atomic Energy Commission finds a safe place to bury my liver.
-Phil Harris

Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss.
-Robert Heinlein

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
-Henny Youngman

Teetotallers lack the sympathy and generosity of men that drink.
-W.H. Davies

Wine gives courage and makes men more apt for passion.
-Ovid

If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat - in other words, turn you into an adult.
-P.J. O'Rourke

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
-Ernest Hemingway

If you know someone who tries to drown their sorrows, you might tell them sorrows know how to swim.
-H. Jackson Brown

If four or five guys tell you that you're drunk, even though you know you haven't had a thing to drink, the least you can do is to lie down a little while.
-Joseph Schenck

I like liquor - its taste and its effects - and that is just the reason why I never drink it.
-Thomas Jackson

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
-Dave Barry

Champagne, if you are seeking the truth, is better than a lie detector. It encourages a man to be expansive, even reckless, while lie detectors are only a challenge to tell lies successfully.
-Graham Greene

Drunkenness is temporary suicide.
-Bertrand Russell

Bacchus has drowned more men than Neptune.
-Giuseppe Garibaldi

Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness.
-Seneca

I'd prefer to have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.
-Frank Nicholson

A drunken man is fitly named: he has drank, till he is drunken: the wine swallows his consciousness, and it sinks therein.
-Augustus William

Brandy, n. A cordial composed of one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the-grave and four parts clarified Satan.
-Ambrose Bierce

Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.
-Phyllis Diller

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
-Benjamin Franklin

I prefer to think that God is not dead, just drunk.
-John Marcellus Huston

O God, that men should put an enemy in their mouths to steal away their brains! that we should, with joy, pleasance, revel, and applause, transform ourselves into beasts!
-William Shakespeare

This is one of the disadvantages of wine: It makes a man mistake words for thought.
-Samuel Johnson

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
-Frank Sinatra

Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it's compounding a felony.
-Robert Benchley

No animal ever invented anything so bad as drunkeness - or so good as drink.
-Lord Chesterton

Wine gives a man nothing... It only puts in motion what had been locked up in frost.
-Samuel Johnson

A woman drove me to drink and I never even had the courtesy to thank her.
-W.C. Fields

Whoever takes just plain ginger ale soon gets drowned out of the conversation.
-Kin Hubbard

Why don't you slip out of those wet clothes and into a dry Martini?
-Robert Benchley

I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
-Winston Churchill

Drink the first. Sip the second slowly. Skip the third.
-Knute Rockne

No poems can please for long or live that are written by water-drinkers.
-Horace (Quintus Horatius Flaccus), Satires

Never cry over spilt milk. It could've been whiskey.
-Maverick

When the wine goes in, strange things come out.
-Johann Christoph

First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.
-Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald

One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.
-Lady Astor

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
-W.C. Fields

The chief reason for drinking is the desire to behave in a certain way, and to be able to blame it on alcohol.
-Mignon McLaughlin

Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living.
-Jean Kerr

Wine is sunlight, held together by water.
-Galileo

Beer is the cause and solution to all of life's problems.
-Homer Simpson

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
-Henny Youngman

Of the demonstrably wise there are but two: those who commit suicide, and those who keep their reasoning faculties atrophied by drink.
-Mark Twain

If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.
-Dean Martin

One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough.
-James Thurber