Funny Valentine's Day Quotes

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!
- Jay Leno

I don't understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine's Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon
-Author Unknown

Valentine's Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don't have a special someone, you're alone.
-Lewis Black

I'm not trying to hit on you, or throw you a line. I just want you to be my Valentine.
-Author Unknown

I wanted to make it really special on Valentine's Day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for three solid hours I watched whatever I wanted on TV.
-Tracy Smith

Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.
-Albert Einstein

Valentine's Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is.
-Author Unknown

Valentine's day has gotten blown way out of proportion. Valentine's Day just used to be for your girlfriend or your wife but now everyone's like 'Oh, happy valentine's day!' I even got a Valentine's Day card from my grandmother. How ridiculous is that? We stopped having sex years ago!
-Greg Giraldo

I have a dream, and a plan, to combine the commercial possibilities of Valentine's Day with the substance and meaning of black history month. I call it: Blackentine's Day.
-Mo Rocca

Happy Valentine's Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you're probably alone. Valentine's Day is often times a, well, it's a manufactured day that really doesn't mean anything.
-Jon Stewart

I love Valentine's Day. When you're a kid everyone gets a Valentine. It's like 'TO TIM, NICE PANTS, LOVE SCOTT'. It's Valentines galore!
-Mike Birbiglia

"Today is February 14th - St. Valentine's day. Women call it Love day, while men name it as extortion day."

"Happy Valentine's Day to all the couples, wish your love last forever and to all single people wish your batteries last forever."

Valentine's Day is for couples. All singles can enjoy themselves for rest of 364 days of the year.

If you feel sad that you stay alone during Valentine's day, just remember that nobody loves you on any of those other 355 days of the year.